Man #70 exemplified one of the nice guy archetypes women face when dating. He’s nice on the outside but unwilling to let you see what’s on the inside because he’s only being “nice” to get what he wants. He might actually be a decent guy, but he doesn’t feel confident enough in himself to show his true colors.
My first date with The “Nice” Guy was a coffee date. Man #70 showed up looking NOTHING like his picture on Tinder. (Not posting an accurate photo seems to be a common thing on this site.) He looked so completely different that when he walked up to greet me I blew him off and told him I was waiting for someone, and he walked away.
Honestly, it was a miracle that we even got together.
It was only after I messaged him through the Tinder app that he walked over and informed me that he was, in fact, my date. I apologized for initially dismissing him but told him he didn’t look like his photo. Maybe I’m jaded at this point, but I am so completely over people who don’t post current photos on their online dating profiles that I think they should be called on it. I know guys go through this too, and quite frankly, I’m getting to the point where I might just start leaving dates before they start if someone misrepresents himself one more time.
Guys, if you walk in to a date and the woman you’re meeting looks nothing like her photo, go ahead, turn around, and leave. You have my blessing. Seriously, people! Do you really want to start your next relationship with a lie? Get a fucking clue.
But I digress. That’s a rant for another day.
Anyway…Man #70…once we started chatting, the conversation flowed pretty easily. Man #70 was nice, but I wasn’t feeling a lot of attraction. It wasn’t because I didn’t like his looks. He was good-looking. The date simply lacked the elements I mentioned in my previous post about how to create chemistry. It’s difficult to create chemistry on a coffee date, and like so many others, this was really just another interview.
However, I liked Man #70 enough to give the guy a chance, so I accepted his invitation to go to dinner the following week. I left the second date also feeling sort of, “meh,” about the guy. I felt like I was supposed to like him, but something felt off. He seemed nice. He did all the right things. He said all of the right things.
Wait! Let me rephrase that. He seemed like he was trying to be nice. He seemed like he was trying to do all of the right things. He was trying to say all of the right things. Was he for real or was he just playacting?
As one man said to me, “he was trying to woo me,” and he seemed a bit like a sleazy salesman.
Time and time again, my dating experiences have proven that you don’t get to see the real person show up until date three, so I decided to accept Man #70’s invitation for a third date. On the third date, we spent the day in downtown Seattle. We walked along the waterfront and went to the Pike Place Market where he bought me a bouquet of flowers and told me how much he likes to surprise his woman with unexpected gift-giving. Unfortunately, this declaration, much like the heavy bunch of spray-painted stems I was carting all over Seattle, did not feel genuine. They felt like another one of his “selling” points.
I wasn’t buying it, and I suddenly knew why. The “Nice” Guy didn’t seem authentic. He seemed like he was only being nice to get me to go out with him. I hadn’t seen the real Man #70 show up once in three dates. Then he made a comment about the “Three Date Rule,” and I knew he was just being nice to me to get me into bed.
That was not very smooth, Man #70, not very smooth at all.
I didn’t sleep with him after date number three, and he never called me again, which was totally fine with me.