I'm sitting cross-legged on my therapist's couch 4 months after my husband's announcement that he wants a divorce when my therapist informs me that he thinks I should start dating again.
I had told myself and others that I was going to take time off to concentrate on myself for once. Between a husband and three boys, I didn't know who I was anymore. I just wanted to hang out with my girlfriends, drink martinis like a fish, and let the hair grow long on my legs if I wanted. I had even gone so far as to announce to my friends that I was going to take a full year off from any kind of relationship.
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Ok, I’ll Try OkCupid
If you are a reader who has been following my adventures since the beginning, you may have wondered how I happened to get an email from my STBex on OkCupid if I wasn’t on OkCupid. Well, the truth is; I’m now on OkCupid.
Last year, when I initially set up my online dating profiles, I was unfamiliar with the dating sites that had not existed before I met STBex. I was aware of eHarmony and match.com, but the free sites like PlentyofFish and OkCupid were new to me. If you have been reading from the beginning, you may recall that, because I received a message that my computer was attacked by malware while I was browsing OkCupid, I had decided to forego creating a profile on that site at that time.
I had settled on a paid subscription on match.com and a free profile on Plentyoffish.
Despite my failure to create a profile on OkCupid, they apparently had enough information about me to send a birthday message last year, which, although I was pissed to get a notice that I was a year older, served as a reminder that I should go broaden the age range of men I’m interested in on the other dating sites. Even at that point, however, I refused to fill out an online dating profile on OkCupid. Over the past year, however, I’ve talked to some of my friends and readers and discovered that quite a few of them were using OkCupid to meet people. I try to keep an open mind about these things, so I finally decided to go check it out in more detail, malware or not.
Quite honestly, my newfound interest in OkCupid really came down to two things. First, my six month free membership with match.com, which I had managed to score by qualifying for their guarantee, ran out, and they automatically billed me $107 for another year. I called match.com’s customer service and had the charges reversed. Quite frankly, I couldn’t justify the price. I had only gone on 7 dates from match.com in a year. That’s $15.29 plus tax per date! Now, some of you romantics out there might be thinking,…
…getting winked at,…$8.92 per month,…
…coffee date with a man from match.com,…$15.29 + coffee
…meeting the man of your dreams…priceless,
…but I don’t think so. Ok, maybe, yes, meeting the man of my dreams would be priceless, but I don’t think I’m going to find him on match.com. I just don’t think so.
First of all, you have to remember that I am extremely cheap, by which I mean frugal. Plus, I have no evidence to prove that my $15 dates were of any better quality than my free dates from Plentyoffish and Craigslist. In fact, when it comes to bang for my buck…
…wait…no,…sadly, I can’t say that.
There has been no banging.
Anyway, what I was going to say was that, despite the horror stories one hears about Craigslist, the two free ads I had placed on Craigslist had resulted in far more dates than any of the time and energy I had put into creating and editing my online dating profiles. Furthermore, I have had a number of dates from Craigslist that have gone quite nicely, so, consequently, I just didn’t see the point in paying $107 dollars plus tax for another year of being winked at by men on match.com who never seem to ask anyone out. I politely insisted that Match reverse the charges on my credit card and hide my profile.
It’s official. I am no longer on match.com.
The other factor affecting my decision to try OkCupid was that I have come to believe that there are no literate men on Plentyoffish. You may recall the creepy, poorly worded email I received last year. Sadly, this email is representative of most of the messages I have received from men on Plentyoffish. Most men will forego saying anything about my feet, but, as far as grammar and spelling are concerned, this is pretty much what communication on Plentyoffish looks like.
Plus, Plentyoffish has this feature called “Meet Me,” where you can simply click through a series of pictures and click yes or no as to whether or not you would like to meet the person in the picture. I swear; every time I receive an email telling me someone wants to meet me, I open it, and have the same reaction that occurs when I find a long forgotten container in the back of my refrigerator, pop it open, and discover something truly sickening inside. We’re talking fear and gag reflex in one motion as I race to close it. Because of this, I have gotten to the point where I don’t even open ”Meet Me” emails from Plentyoffish anymore. I also don’t open the weekly email I receive telling me that I have new matches. If I receive an actual email from a man on Plentyoffish, I will go check it out. Let’s face it, sometimes it’s just damned amusing and makes for good blog fodder.
I don’t want to say that all of my Plentyoffish dates have been bad. That’s not true. I have had a few good ones, but the ratio of good dates and emails to bad is just far too low.
All this is to say that I had become tired of the fish on Plentyoffish, and I was ready for a change, hence my decision to finally give OkCupid a try. OkCupid has an interesting feature where they ask questions, and then match people up by the percentage of questions you have that are similar. Therefore, when you look at a person’s profile, it will say something like,
95% Match, 89% Friend, 10% Enemy.
Now, this I find rather interesting. There seems to be an unlimited supply of questions to answer. One guy I found had answered upwards of 1400 questions. I have not answered anywhere close to that amount, but it did make me wonder about something. You have to remember that, with my new MBA, I have taken statistics. As a person answers more and more questions on OkCupid does a linear regression occur allowing for increased accuracy in the site’s matching capability?
Now, I’m probably WAY over-thinking this. After all, some of the questions on OkCupid are pretty stupid. Perhaps with more questions answered you are more likely to be matched with a drunken college student, for that is who I think may have written a lot of these questions. However, it does make you wonder, and it is rather comforting to be able to cruise through the answers and discover that the man you might be interested in…
…does not want to be peed on during sex,
…does not think it’s ok to tell racist jokes,
…does not want an open relationship.
Pick your poison.
So, anyway, there you have it. I am officially on OkCupid, and I’ve already had three dates, which I will tell you about very soon. Have a great weekend.