I'm sitting cross-legged on my therapist's couch 4 months after my husband's announcement that he wants a divorce when my therapist informs me that he thinks I should start dating again.
I had told myself and others that I was going to take time off to concentrate on myself for once. Between a husband and three boys, I didn't know who I was anymore. I just wanted to hang out with my girlfriends, drink martinis like a fish, and let the hair grow long on my legs if I wanted. I had even gone so far as to announce to my friends that I was going to take a full year off from any kind of relationship.
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Divorce is Immature and Selfish According to Penelope
I’ve subscribed to Penelope Trunk’s blog for about a year now, and, today, this post entitled, Divorce is Immature and Selfish. Don’t Do It., caught my attention. The title was probably more impactful today, because of some recent developments in my own divorce. I can happily say there appears to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
I can’t say I entirely agree or disagree with Penelope. Overall, it’s a good post with a lot of well-made points.
Do I think STBex was selfish in his decision to want a divorce? Absolutely YES! In fact, I’m still a little angry at how deceitful and self-centered I feel he was about the whole thing. Will I ultimately be better off by him leaving? Definitely. The big difference, however, to my marriage and PT’s arguments on marriage is that STBex and I had no children together.
My kids were already teenagers by the time STBex came into our lives, and they never really developed any deep relationships or respect for him.
In fact, last night, I asked K2 if he was angry that STBex left. His response was, “Where did that come from? I don’t give a shit about STBex. STBex was an asshole!”
So, will my kids be better off now that I’m getting a divorce? Yes, probably.
Which brings me to the part of Penelope’s post that I don’t agree with…the idea that people in abusive marriages should just stick it out for the kids.
I say BULLSHIT!
I can happily say that I have never been in a physically abusive relationship, and I owe a great deal to my mother for that fact. If my mother had not had the courage and the audacity to risk her life and the lives of her children to escape her marriage, thereby ending the cycle of violence, I would not be the woman I am today.
The destruction caused by violent marriages is rarely, if ever, isolated to the two spouses involved.
What about the children in violent marriages? Do you think they don’t end up abused too?
On that point, shame on you, Penelope Trunk.