I'm sitting cross-legged on my therapist's couch 4 months after my husband's announcement that he wants a divorce when my therapist informs me that he thinks I should start dating again.
I had told myself and others that I was going to take time off to concentrate on myself for once. Between a husband and three boys, I didn't know who I was anymore. I just wanted to hang out with my girlfriends, drink martinis like a fish, and let the hair grow long on my legs if I wanted. I had even gone so far as to announce to my friends that I was going to take a full year off from any kind of relationship.
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During the years that I lived with my husband, I had a saying written in Sharpie on my bedroom mirror. (For those of you concerned about Sharpie removal from said mirror, let me ease your mind by saying that fingernail polish remover makes permanent marker much less permanent.)
But I digress.
Anyway, while I lived with my husband, I had this saying written on my mirror. It read,
“Most of life’s problems will disappear on their own if you don’t get too attached to them.”
Now, this is not to say that someone should bury her head in the sand and hope her problems just go away. No. What it means is that we often make our problems bigger by giving them more space in our lives than they really deserve. Back then, this saying served as an important reminder to keep my husband’s drama in proper perspective and to not let myself get caught up in petty arguments.
A few months ago, I erased the above saying from my mirror, feeling I no longer needed it. It was no longer a significant part of me or the tools I needed for my daily life. I replaced it with a list of goals I plan to accomplish within the next five to eight years. I would rather focus on new positive steps in my life than focus on guarding myself from negativity.
I was reminded of this old saying about problems today, however, because I was still trying to decide what to do about the Spicy Italian Sausage. I knew I didn’t want a long-term relationship with him, but I thought I might entertain the idea of having sex with him. He has a hot body, it has been a while, and well,…
This blog has been basically sans sex since it’s inception in February. Instead of My Dating Prescription, I could call it Sexless in Seattle, but that might have a completely different connotation. But as you know if you’ve been reading from the beginning, my occasional use of the F-word is the closest thing I’ve had to sex, and I’m starting to look for loopholes in what my therapist means by “serious.”
So anyway, I was contemplating simply using the Spicy Italian for sex.
He said he wanted a long-term relationship, however, so I didn’t want to lead him on. So, rather than dwell on the issue any longer, and making the problem bigger than it needed to be, I decided I would call him and have a frank conversation. We’re both adults after all, and I believe honesty is the best policy.
So, yesterday as I was getting ready for work, I sent him a text asking if he was awake and if he could talk on the phone. He responded,
“not able to now why r u horny?”
Ok, this is not the time for me to get distracted by how much I hate texting, bad grammar, and the like. The important thing to note here is that I had made no mention of the fact that I had been contemplating having sex with him at this point. His “horny” comment came completely unsolicited.
I responded, “No, I want to talk to you when you’re available.”
To which I received, “stroking that big c$%k.” (Except he spelled it out.)
Wow. Now, at this point in our journey, you know I’m not afraid of the occasional dirty word, and despite the lack of it in my life at the moment, I happen to like sex. What I don’t like is being spoken to (or texted) like a cheap whore. I did not respond. I finished getting ready for work, and while I was driving to work I realized my problem had just been solved for me. This man was obviously not house broken, and there was no reason why I should ever speak to him again.
So, you see, “most of life’s problems will disappear on their own if you don’t get too attached to them,” and I feel so much better. I can move on to date #21 without any complications.
Coincidently, yesterday was also the beginning of an annual celebration in India celebrating the Hindu deity, Ganesh, the Lord of Beginnings and the Remover of Obstacles, and when I found the following passage regarding Ganesh, I felt it was very apropos for the events of my day.
“…Ganesh has similarities to the gods Mercury or Thoth. He brings writing and knowledge. But he is most often known as the “Breaker of Obstacles”. This does not mean that if something blocks your way to success that appealing to Ganesh will result in your thundering through your opposition like some great juggernaut (a word derived from the name of a Hindu deity Jaganath). Rather, Ganesh breaks obstacles by working around them. He may not help you fix a relationship, but He might help you find a new one. He might not get you a raise at work, but you might get a job offer from another company for more money. Ganesh is a warrior, but is not into fighting for fighting’s sake. Indeed, that is why he lost his head and it had to be replaced with the head of an elephant. Rather, He helps you find other ways of overcoming obstacles. The real obstacles He breaks are those which prevent you from recognizing alternative solutions.”