Over this past weekend, I had two separate conversations with friends who made me realize there may be misunderstandings about why I almost threw in the towel a couple of weeks ago. Since I don’t want you to think I’m weak or think I give up easily I want to clarify a couple of things.
One friend commented that she thought I gave Steve too much power and was surprised at how quickly I gave up in response to Steve’s comments. To clarify, I didn’t almost quit because of one exchange with Steve. Steve has been around for well over a year. The majority of his comments, but not all, have always had the same attention-seeking, argumentative tone. Frankly, I just got sick of it and decided to attack the issue head on by calling the issue out. That being said, I think I’ve given him enough attention now, and we should put that whole thing to rest.
The second friend made a similar statement, commenting that she was surprised that I had endured almost 50 dates and yet I almost let one man push me to the point of quitting my blog. I assure you; there are more factors at play than just one man harassing me. One reason I thought about quitting was because my blog probably isn’t good for my professional ambitons. The second is that it takes a lot of time I no longer have. Another reason I thought about quitting was because as my blog has become more popular, men discover who I am, and it’s getting more and more difficult to date. (This may also be because I’ve fallen into a new demographic (age 45-50) and, blog of not, quality dates aren’t as easy to come by at this age.)
Finally, I’ve started to have some concerns about my safety. I used to write anonymously. Then I tried a pseudonym, but ultimately, I was advised to claim my authorship of My Dating Prescription under my own name. Factors that influenced this decision included issues of Google Authorship and the fact that even with a pseudonym people ultimately figure out who you are.
So you see, I had been contemplating all of these issues, and Steve’s comments were just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I didn’t want to drag this out, but after my conversations over the weekend, I also didn’t want to leave you readers with the wrong impression of me. I hope that makes sense.
Finally, I took all three of my sons out for dinner at The Hawaiian BBQ restaurant in the U District last weekend, and as we were waiting for our food, K1 said, “Oh by the way, I’m supposed to tell you that you’re not posting often enough on your blog.”
“Some of your readers told me to tell you to write more.”
“Yeah, I told them you’re a very busy woman, but I’m supposed to tell you that.”
Ok ladies, your message has been received. I’ve been writing, and the first of the rest of the posts about Man #47 will post next Wednesday, March 12th.
On Monday I received a message from STDcheck.com that My Dating Prescription ranked #73 in the Top 100 Sex, Love & Lust Blogs and Destinations. I guess if you write the words “dick pic” enough times they give you an award.
No! That’s not the reason. The description of my blog was actually quite nice. There was even a press release on CNBC. I was bummed that my blog didn’t ranked higher, but it’s nice to be acknowledged nonetheless.
Apparently, there are $500 worth of gift cards on their way to me. It’s possible that all of the gift cards are for STD testing, so as someone who’s only had sex twice in the last three years, I’ll have plenty to spread around…so to speak. I’d like to share the love, so hopefully I can do some giveaways for readers in the near future. We’ll see. Stay tuned.
That got me thinking. Maybe this award is a sign that I can’t stop blogging. (Sigh)
So then I suppose we need to talk about my last blog post.
Last Thursday, after I hit the publish button, I had mixed emotions. I suddenly felt lighter and freer, but that was quickly followed by a deep sadness. I was relieved that I could cut myself off from the blog and everything associated with it. I could redirect my energy and finally spend time on more important tasks associated with becoming a published author. I created a to-do list and a structured writing schedule for myself. I would need that if I didn’t have readers’ comments pushing me forward and asking when I was going to write again.
I spent the weekend reading APE: Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur-How to Publish a Book. It’s been in my “to read” pile for a long time. Within its pages I found a link to consulting editor, Alan Rinzler’s blog, The Book Deal, and found this post. He was describing my life to a tee, right down to the isolation and Kafka’s eroding confidence and productivity.
Comments and emails started to come in from readers I had never heard from before. I was surprised at the stories from readers who said my blog had helped them through their own divorce or breakup or even their parents’ divorce. (Thanks, Kyrra, Redbookish, Kate, and Zena Zee.) One friend told me, “[my friend] is married because of you. She started dating again because of your blog.”
Apparently, I’ve been able to do for others what I couldn’t do for myself. Ironically, I had become more and more pessimistic and started wondering what man would want me after everything I’ve written here.
I had no idea you readers were out there. I mean, I knew how many subscribers, Twitter followers, Facebook likes, and Flipboard subscribers I had, but we all know that subscribing is not the same as reading, and I had assumed that the lack of interaction in the comment section meant a lack of interaction with the blog in general. I guess that shows what I know.
Then the sadness kicked in, which had probably just been lying there latent all along. I realized that just as easily as I created My Dating Prescription, I could kill it, and I started to struggle with what that meant. From the moment I logged into WordPress for the first time, created my website, and wrote my first blog post, this has been my baby. For better or worse, it’s my autobiography, at least in part, and by killing the blog I felt I was killing a part of myself.
Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! This thing has become a monster.
So where does that leave us?
Well, I need to go away for a while. I’m going to go write the rest of the posts about Man #47 in private. Just pretend it’s 2012, and I’m absent because I’m still working on my MBA. Once I’ve finished the posts about Man #47, I’ll start posting them. It’s a win/win. I can write without distraction, and you still get to read what happens. Plus, I believe that shutting the world out and getting in the zone momentarily will improve the quality of my writing.
So hang tight. I’ll be back…eventually.